As Fire Emblem: Fortune’s Weave continues to captivate fans with its sprawling cast of memorable heroes, Polygon has taken a decidedly unconventional approach to evaluating the franchise’s star-studded lineup, ranking the Flame Lords — and even the optional recruits — by how much fun they’d be to party with. The latest installment of Nintendo’s tactics series, which mirrors the multi-perspective structure of 2019’s Fire Emblem: Three Houses, has reignited the generational debate over which character reigns supreme. Rather than settle that question through combat stats or narrative weight, the Polygon writer has instead applied an old-fashioned social test, weighing each hero’s party potential from the player-created protagonist down to the most memorable sidekicks.
A New Way to Measure a Hero
While the fandom has already begun arguing over the strongest Flame Lord — with Leda emerging as an early frontrunner — the Polygon piece sidesteps that argument entirely by reframing the question. The methodology is a playful riff on the perennial “who would you rather have a drink with?” exercise that has long been deployed in political debates, reworked here to account for the fact that Cai is a minor. The result is a definitive, if tongue-in-cheek, ordering of the game’s heroes based solely on their ability to carry a social gathering, including the reader’s own customizable character.
There’s no arguing with facts. I’ve run the science here, and based on that, I have come away with the definitive ranking of Fortune’s Weave heroes, including your player-created character, based solely on their party potential.
Polygon
The Bottom of the Guest List
At the very bottom sits Cai, the game’s pluckiest hero, though the writer admits this may simply reflect a lack of time spent with the character. The primary concern is that Cai is too young to party even five years into the future, when the main story takes place — a problem the writer is quick to note is separate from the fact that “my dad is in jail” is hardly an ideal icebreaker. Beyond the legal trouble, Cai reads as the kind of guest who would spend a night shyly lingering in the corner, avoiding conversation entirely, which the writer describes as “kind of my job at a party.”
Just above him is Dietrich, arguably the writer’s favorite character, an absolute lunatic hyperfixated on whales and cold-blooded murder. Dietrich is a genuine roll of the dice as a party sidekick: he could become the mysterious stranger everyone keeps whispering about, or he could get a few drinks in and start ranting about boats until the entire room loses interest. More realistically, the writer warns, he will roll up to a house party with Fabio in tow and completely kill the mood.
The Wildcard With a Secret Weapon
Eshmel, the game’s actual main protagonist, is included in the ranking despite being a deliberately flat avatar designed to serve as the narrative device through which players experience the Flame Lords’ stories. Beyond being a badass warrior, Eshmel possesses little personality — not exactly the kind of person one wants to roll up to a bar at 1 a.m. with. Yet the writer places Eshmel above both Cai and Dietrich for one decisive reason: they have a cool bird. A raven from Perfect Bird Time would make for a killer party trick, and no one is a better wingman than a raven.
The Hot Mess
Theodora, the queen of Saramis, embodies the perfect mixture of charisma and chaos that any party situation demands. She can charm the pants off everyone in attendance while remaining intimidating enough to protect the group if trouble arises. The catch, the writer notes, is that the night will 100% end with getting kicked out of the party every time — too many drinks, and she will destroy something with her evil arm. Theodora is a time bomb, but the writer concedes that crashing the party will probably be worth the story nine times out of 10.
The Number One Pick
Topping the list is Leda, whom the writer describes as objectively built for nightlife. Show up to a party with her and she will be the last person on the dance floor come closing time, a feat that would already earn her a top spot given how much of a hit she’d be with her vihuela. She may rub some people the wrong way and might accidentally summon demonic beasts every now and then, but the writer insists no amount of screw-ups would get her kicked off a guest list — if anything, they’d earn her a permanent VIP status. Leda, the writer concludes, is the kind of person you want around if you’re looking to instantly cut the line at even the most exclusive Manhattan nightclubs.
While the ranking is fundamentally a piece of entertainment rather than a serious critical assessment, it nonetheless highlights the depth of character design that Fortune’s Weave brings to Nintendo’s ongoing tactics series, proving that the franchise’s appeal extends well beyond battlefield strategy.
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