Cyberpunk Trading Sim ‘Probably Stolen’ Puts You in Charge of a Kiosk in a Space Station Rife with Gangs, Megacorps and Rogue Cyborgs

“I will have you know this is an original Malorian Arms 3516.”

So far, the reviewer has not been shivved, shanked, brain-fried, hazed, wasted, ironed, short-circuited, flat-lined or even complained at in Probably Stolen – Cyberpunk Shopkeeper Sim, though they are sure it is only a matter of time.

In this neuromantic kiosk game from Questing Goose Studio, players take on the role of a new store owner aboard a backwater space station. Each day, they roll up the shutter and do business with a procession of shady types, ranging from janitors with unappetising beards to sexy cowled folk with Main Character tattoos. The basics are simple enough despite the overwhelmingly menu-led presentation: buy what you can afford, guided by your instinct for the wider market, and sell what you can fit into the customer’s budget. But things quickly get complicated.

Players must watch out for wanted criminals, checking them against mugshots and possibly reporting them to security. They must consider how their transactions shape the opinions of various factions, from revolutionaries through corpo bosses to the mob. They must scrutinise robot hands and cigarette packets, identifying vintage pieces and counterfeits. They must head out at night to scrounge stock from the dumps, preferably without getting shivved, shanked, and so on. They must pay the electricity bill. They must shoot rogue androids in the CPU.

The reviewer has only peeked timidly over the counter of Probably Stolen, which they would cautiously characterise as Papers, Please with a lot more wheeling and dealing, but it feels like there is some decent substance here. They are particularly intrigued by the idea of diversifying their operations beyond bog-standard checkout work.

“Start as a gunsmith, chemist, water merchant, fence, farmer, or from absolute rock bottom,” the Steam page states. “Every product line has its own profit curve and its own way of ruining you, weapons bring inspections, chemicals bring addiction, water brings liability, contraband brings raids. Some trades need heavy machinery and permits, others just a good hiding spot and a straight face. The better the margins, the worse the consequences when something goes wrong. You’re not choosing a theme for your shop, you’re choosing which kind of trouble you’re willing to monetize.”

That closing line is one I’ll reach for next time I interview a producer about season passes. Perhaps I’ll use it next time I have to pick a wallpaper pattern for my flat.

As cyberpunk fictions go, this does seem very comfortable. Your store has a cassette player with a selection of synthy music – I turned it off after 30 seconds, because the tunes were so gratingly generic. Dare I say it, cyberpunk is a “cosy” genre these days, but perhaps I just need to trade up to some classier earworms.

I also don’t think much of Probably Stolen’s writing, which seems clipped and flavourless, but it’s getting the job done, and besides, I’m very early on in my career as a skanky pawnshop operator. I haven’t even sold any toilet roll yet, and that feels like the real rite of passage. People who prefer their Netrunner 7-Elevens all 3D and hung with beautiful, beautiful birdcages might prefer the dives you get in No Law, which Julian saw recently.